Sexuality and Romance
What is the difference between sexuality and romance?
"Attraction: There are many different types of attraction, including:
- Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
- Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
- Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
- Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
- Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
Romantic Orientation – Describes an individual’s pattern of romantic attraction based on a person’s gender(s) regardless of one’s sexual orientation. For individuals who experience sexual attraction, their sexual orientation and romantic orientation are often in alignment (i.e. they experience sexual attraction toward individuals of the same gender(s) as the individuals they are interested in forming romantic relationships with).
In understanding identities and attractions, it is important to remember that orientation and attraction do not necessarily define or predict behavior. This is another important reason why it is important to ask people how they identify, as you cannot assume you know someone’s identity based on their behavior. This also means that you cannot assume what types of relationships or behaviors a person will engage in simply by knowing how they identify." - UNC LGBTQ Center
See also the above section on Asexuality and Aromanticism.
Queer Studies by 
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ISBN: 9781939594334Publication Date: 2019-09-10Written for entry-level survey courses in queer or LGBTQ+ Studies for students from all majors, this engaging text covers a wide range of topics. Early chapters consider the meaning of "queer" and examine identities such as trans, bi, and intersex. Intersections between sexuality/gender expression and other identities such as race, ethnicity, and class are also examined. Designed for undergraduate courses in queer or LGBT+ Studies requiring no prerequisites, Queer Studies: Beyond Binaries also serves as an excellent supplement in courses on queer theory or history, or on sexuality, gender, and women's studies.
The a-Z of Gender and Sexuality by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781785923425Publication Date: 2019-04-18This A-Z glossary of trans and queer words and phrases explains specific terminology and contextualises terms within transgender history. By dispelling myths about "correct" language, this guide will serve as an accessible introduction to more informed conversations around gender and sexuality.
Hola Papi by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781982141493Publication Date: 2021-06-08The popular LGBTQ advice columnist and writer presents a memoir-in-essays chronicling his journey growing up as a queer, mixed-race kid in America's heartland to becoming the "Chicano Carrie Bradshaw" of his generation.
The first time someone called Brammer "Papi" was on the gay hookup app Grindr. At first he took this as white-guy speak for "hey, handsome." What started as a racialized moniker given to him on the hookup app soon became the inspiration for his now wildly popular advice column. Here Brammer shares his story of growing up biracial and in the closet in America's heartland, while attempting to answer some of life's toughest questions. This book is for anyone--gay, straight, and everything in between--who has ever taken stock of their unique place in the world. -- adapted from jacket.
Queer Sex by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781785924064Publication Date: 2018-04-19LONGLISTED FOR THE POLARI FIRST BOOK PRIZE 2019 'Queer Sex is simply phenomenal' - Bitch Media 'A gift to anyone looking to open their minds and fall in love' - CN Lester In this frank, funny and poignant book, transgender activist Juno Roche discusses sex, desire and dating with leading figures from the trans and non-binary community. Calling out prejudices and inspiring readers to explore their own concepts of intimacy and sexuality, the first-hand accounts celebrate the wonder and potential of trans bodies and push at the boundaries of how society views gender, sexuality and relationships. Empowering and necessary, this collection shows all trans people deserve to feel brave, beautiful and sexy.
What do pansexual and bisexual mean?
"Pansexual: Used to describe people who are attracted to people of any gender or to people regardless of their gender. Some people may use the words bisexual and pansexual interchangeably, and others use only one word exclusively to describe themselves." - Trevor Project
"Pansexual: A person who is attracted to other people regardless of gender." - The 519
"Bisexual: A person who is attracted to people of more than one gender." -The 519
"Bisexual: Used to describe people who have the capacity to form attraction and/or relationships to more than one gender." - Trevor Project
The above definitions may appear similar, but the differences can matter to individual people. If you are unsure just use the terms people state.
It is also important to note that being bisexual or pansexual does not mean one is also polyamorous. Polyamory is about having/desiring multiple intimate relationships, while being bi/pansexual is being able to form intimate relationships with people of different gender presentations. One can be bisexual and monogamous, or be heterosexual and polyamorous.
Bisexuality by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9783319715346Publication Date: 2018-03-19This pathbreaking volume brings together a diverse body of sexual, behavioral, and social science research on bisexuality. Arguing for a clear, evidence-based definition of bisexuality and standardized measures for assessing sexual orientation, it spotlights challenges that need to be addressed toward attaining these goals. The book's deep trove of findings illuminates the experiences of bisexual men and women in key aspects of life, as well as common mental health issues in the face of stigma, prejudice, and outright denial from the heterosexual and homosexual communities. Throughout, contributors examine the paradoxical invisibility of bisexuality even as society and science have become more inclusive of lesbians and gay men, and emphasize the critical role of thoughtful, respectful support across societal and mental health domains.
- The Perks of Being Bi: Positive Sexual Orientation–Related Experiences Among Bisexual, Pansexual, and Queer Male YouthThis study advances our understanding of the range of positive experiences that bisexual, pansexual, and queer (bi) male youth have related to their sexual orientation. In addition, these findings suggest ways to better support bi male youth such as affirming their identities and helping to connect them to resources and community.
Life Isn't Binary by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781785924798Publication Date: 2019-05-21Using bisexual and non-binary gender experiences as a starting point, this book addresses the key issues with binary thinking regarding our relationships, bodies, emotions, wellbeing and our sense of identity and sets out a range of practices which may help us to think in more non-binary, both/and, or uncertain ways. A truly original and insightful piece, this guide encourages reflection on how we view and understand the world we live in and how we all bend, blur or break society's binary codes.
Non-Binary Lives by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781787753402Publication Date: 2020-04-212021 LAMBDA LITERARY AWARD FINALIST
What does it mean to be non-binary in the 21st Century? Pushing the narrative around non-binary identities further than ever before, this powerful collection of essays represents the breadth of non-binary lives, across the boundaries of race, class, age, sexuality, faith and more.
What is asexuality?
"Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships (or the adjective describing a person as such)." Asexuality Visibility Education Network
"Asexuality is an orientation usually defined by a focus on romantic, aesthetic, spiritual, or physical intimacy, or on non-sexual friendship, rather than on sexual attraction or sexual intimacy. The asexual community is diverse and asexual people have a wide variety of experiences, but what most have in common is prioritizing other types of attraction and relationships over sexual ones." - Scarleteen
"It’s important to remember that asexuality is an umbrella term, and exists on a spectrum. Asexual people – also known as “Ace” or “Aces” – may have little interest in having sex, even though most desire emotionally intimate relationships. Within the ace community there are many ways for people to identify." - Trevor Project
What is aromanticism?
"An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. People identifying as aromantic can also experience romance in a way otherwise disconnected from normative societal expectations (for example due to feeling repulsed by romance, or being uninterested in romantic relationships.) Where alloromantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships. People anywhere on the sexual spectrum (sexual, asexual, grey-A, etc.) may be aromantic." - Asexuality Visibility Education Network Wiki
"Aromanticism exists on spectrum, and individual experiences vary from person to person. There’s no agreed-upon definition of what does or does not constitute romance. For example, some people might consider making out to be sexual, others might consider it romantic, and that can change depending on the circumstances.
A person who identifies as aromantic is still capable of other types of attraction, such as recognizing when a person is good-looking ― also known as aesthetic attraction. Aros aren’t cold or heartless either; in fact, they often feel familial and platonic love very strongly." - "What it Means to be Aromantic, According to Aromantic People" - Huffington Post
"In understanding identities and attractions, it is important to remember that orientation and attraction do not necessarily define or predict behavior. This is another important reason why it is important to ask people how they identify, as you cannot assume you know someone’s identity based on their behavior. This also means that you cannot assume what types of relationships or behaviors a person will engage in simply by knowing how they identify.
Sexual identities and romantic orientations are not linked and therefore a person could be asexual, aromantic, neither, or both asexual and aromantic." - UNC LGBTQ Center
The Invisible Orientation by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781510700642Publication Date: 2015-10-13Lambda Literary Award 2014 Finalist in LGBT Nonfiction Foreword Reviews' INDIEFAB Book of the Year Award 2014 Finalist in Family & Relationships Independent Publisher Book Awards 2015 (IPPY) Silver Medal in Sexuality/Relationships Next Generation Indie Book Awards 2015 Winner in LGBT -- What if you weren't sexually attracted to anyone? A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren't sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation--like gay, straight, or bisexual. Asexuality is the invisible orientation. In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.
Asexual Erotics by ISBN: 9780814214046Publication Date: 2019-08-19Challenging what she sees as an obsession with sex and sexuality, Ela Przybylo examines the silence around asexuality in queer, feminist, and lesbian thinking--turning to Audre Lorde's work on erotics to propose instead an approach she calls asexual erotics: an alternative language for discussing forms of intimacy that are not reducible to sex and sexuality.
- Asexuality: What It Is and Why It MattersIn this review article, human asexuality, a relatively understudied phenomenon, is discussed. Specifically, definitions and conceptualizations of asexuality (e.g., is it a unique category of sexual orientation?), biological and historical contexts, identity issues, discrimination against asexual people relative to other minorities, origins, and variations, including gender differences, are reviewed.
- “When We Talk about Gender We Talk about Sex”: (A)sexuality and (A)gendered SubjectivitiesThe article illustrates the need to empirically explore the meanings of the categories “gender” and “sexuality,” and the relationship between them, rather than siloing them in our methodological and conceptual frameworks.
What is polyamory?
"Being interested in or pursuing intimate relationships (emotional and/or sexual) with more than one person at the same time, in a consensual, open, informed setting.
People form and navigate poly[amorous] relationships in lots of different ways, but healthy poly relationships are generally characterized by respect, communication, and openness. Polyamory doesn't necessarily mean anything goes; many people in poly relationships have certain agreements or boundaries set with their partners; breaking those agreements can still be hurtful and damage a relationship just like breaking monogamy agreements can." - Scarleteen
"The practice, state or ability of having more than one intimate, sexual and/or romantic relationship at the same time." - The 519
It is also important to note that being bisexual or pansexual does not mean one is also polyamorous. Polyamory is about having/desiring multiple intimate relationships, while being bi/pansexual is being able to form intimate relationships with people of different gender presentations. One can be bisexual and monogamous, or be heterosexual and polyamorous.
It's Called Polyamory by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781944934422Publication Date: 2017-10-06Even in progressive families and communities, people who practice nonmonogamy are susceptible to misinformation and accusations of moral and emotional failings. Facing this requires its own coming out and education process. In this guide, Tamara Pincus and Rebecca Hiles provide a roadmap for explaining the expansive intricacies of the consensual nonmonogamy spectrum. By fusing personal experience and community research, they break down the various incarnations of polyamorous relationship structures, polyamory's intersections with race and gender, and the seemingly esoteric jargon of the lifestyle.
Polyamorous by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9781459740402Publication Date: 2018-12-11A look at how people are giving themselves a choice to love another way. More people than ever are exploring the possibility of opening up their relationships -- and not only that, they are fighting for their legal rights to love however and whomever they choose. In Polyamorous, reporter Jenny Yuen digs into how polyamory affects underrepresented communities, why these unions are becoming more normalized, and how relationships with multiple partners can be a practical alternative to monogamy and an intriguing expedition through uncharted emotional territory. Pairing off is no longer the default option for many. For some, polyamory is just a part of who they are.
Fraught Intimacies by - This link opens in a new window
ISBN: 9780774828963Publication Date: 2015-05-30Adultery scandals involving politicians. Dating websites for married women and men. News reports on raids of polygamous communities. It seems that non-monogamy is everywhere: in popular culture, in the news, and before the courts. In Fraught Intimacies, Nathan Rambukkana delves into how polygamy, adultery, and polyamory are represented in the public sphere. His intricate analysis reveals how some forms of non-monogamy are tacitly accepted, even glamourized, while others are vilified and reviled. By questioning what this says about intimacy, power, and privilege, this book offers an innovative framework for understanding the status of non-monogamy in Western society.
2SLGBTQ+ Glossary
There are many terms to describe identities and sexualities, linked below are Glossaries from various 2SLGBTQ+ organizations.
A reminder that these definitions are not meant to be prescriptive, rather they are used by folks to help self-identify. Identities and experiences are much broader than words can encompass, and should not be used to constrain, gatekeep, or invalidate our humanity.